Actresses like muffins, right?
It’s kind of hard to explain to the public why I made this list, but let’s just say it’s mostly due to my husband’s lack of ability to focus. There are many mid-year top ten lists, created by our peers, going up today about top ten actors, top ten movies so far this year, etc. I have made a top ten list of actors I would like to have over for muffins, and the muffins I would make for them.
So I was trying to think of muffin banter or scenes involving muffins that would make a few of the actor choices obvious, but I could only come up with one:
Jason: Is your muffin buttered?
Cady: What?
Jason: Would you like us to assign someone to butter your muffin?
Cady: My what?
Regina: Is he bothering you? Why are you such a skeez? She is not interested. Do you want to have sex with him?
Cady: No, thank you.
Regina: Good, so it’s settled. You can go shave your back now.
So, Rachel McAdams is the only obvious choice. I don’t really want to have Lindsay Lohan over for muffins. She probably wouldn’t eat them anyway. And then she’d do something embarrassing and we’d be all over the tabloids, and I really don’t need that kind of negative publicity right now. On the other hand, my father is obsessed with Rachel McAdams (he owns The Notebook, forced me and my cousin to watch it, and cries every time he watches it), so he would probably have to join us for the first muffin gathering. And that could be fun. Additionally, it might be weird to have hot boys over for muffins, since I’m a married lady, so I chose all females to have as my guests.
I would invite:
Rachel McAdams (& Daddy) for Peach Crumb Muffins* with whipped cream
Tina Fey for Banana Nut Muffins* with Caramel Icing
Jennifer Connelly for Blueberry Muffins* with sanding sugar
Maggie Gyllenhaal for Lemon Poppyseed Muffins with powdered-sugar glaze
Reese Witherspoon for Bacon-Scallion-Cheddar-Jalapeno Corn Muffins* with herbed butter
Mary-Louise Parker for Cinnamon Apple Muffins* and vanilla bean ice cream
Angelina Jolie for Maple-Ginger Muffins* with orange glaze
Elizabeth Banks for Carrot Spice Muffins with schmear
Jaime Murray for English Muffins with mascarpone and apple butter, and
Christina Ricci for Dark Chocolate Muffins* with fleur de sel.
Additionally, if word got out that I was inviting over actresses to enjoy my wonderful muffins, and folks started banging down my door for an invitation, I might invite Kirsten Dunst over for muffins, then when she got here, I’d open the door, slap her, and tell her if she wants a muffin, she’ll have to go down the street to the bakery and buy one, ’cause I will never bake for her.
*Muffins served warm
July 22nd, 2008 at 12:03 pm
And maybe Kate Winslet? For crumpets with strawberry jam, of course.
What’s fleur de sel?
July 22nd, 2008 at 12:09 pm
Sure, we could have Kate join in too!
Fleur de sel is hand-harvested French sea salt. It’s almost exclusively used as a salty garnish. Coarse salt is especially lovely with really nice chocolates and caramels. You should try some sometime!
July 22nd, 2008 at 12:27 pm
Can I come on the Mary-Louise Parker or Christina Ricci muffin dates? I think they’re my favorites. I also love me some fleur de sel, as it turns out–so maybe we can just stick with the Ricci date.
July 22nd, 2008 at 12:42 pm
Yeah, a note on the crumpets, Andrea… y’know I thought about explaining why each person got assigned each particular muffin, but decided against it—thought it might be “too cheesy-pie.” For example, Jaime Murray is a big ole Brit, so she got an “English” muffin. Elizabeth Banks converted to Judaism, so she got schmear with her muffin. Etc.
July 22nd, 2008 at 1:53 pm
Yeah, but you’re with me on the strawberry jam, right? I mean, isn’t there something inherently strawberrylike about Kate Winslet? Or is that just me?
July 22nd, 2008 at 3:52 pm
I thought for sure that Mary-Louise Parker was gonna get hash muffins. Zzzzzzing!
July 22nd, 2008 at 8:59 pm
I think Emma Thompson might also be a delightful addition to the party, but then I suppose she and Jaime Murray would have to duke it out for the English muffins?
July 22nd, 2008 at 9:06 pm
Dude, I totally thought about giving her “Brownie” muffins, with a garnish, following a half hour later, of potato chips, pizza, beer and ice cream. But again, “too cheesy-pie.” I mean, their muffin assignment should define them as their personae as actors, not their memorable characters, yo. And Andrea, yes, I get the Kate Winslet—strawberry connection; however, I imagine her eating lots of luscious, perfectly ripe tiny strawberries instead of jam.
July 22nd, 2008 at 9:30 pm
And yes, Emma Thompson could come over and the good thing about that is that English muffins are already portioned for two. It’s like two tiny open-faced sandwiches, which I could count as muffins. Or, I dunno… is that unfair? Is it like saying a shoehorn is a kind of horn? Oh well.