Tits and Gore

The siren song of my film-blogging peeps has sucked me once again into listville, and this time the subject is being left to the discretion of the individual. Some folks are doing their favorite movie theaters (I don’t have 10 of those), some are doing their favorite movies of the year thus far (I don’t even have 2 of those), and the other topic du jour is favorite actors and actresses.

That’s a topic I can get behind, but the scope is so monumental! An all-time favorite top ten actors or actresses list would take me forever, and I wouldn’t even know where to begin… I kept on making lists of actors and actresses of various nationalities, eventually deciding this was too OCD to pass muster as I had to make different versions depending on whether I was allowing living or dead people to factor in. Then I tried to go super-narrow with Living Japanese Actresses, but that was also specious, since people like Meiko Kaji ranked high, even though she hasn’t made a film of any sort since 1988, and the last time she made a good film was 1974.

Thus, the intense specificity of my list. Actors only, first of all. Yes, there are ten excellent living performers from any given Asian nation, but I wanted to cast my net a little wider and highlight my favorites… Onward!

1. Tony Leung
Recommended Viewing: Happy Together (1997) and In The Mood For Love (2000)

2. Takeshi Kitano
Recommended Viewing: Sonatine (1993) and Kikujiro (1999)

3. Tadanobu Asano
Recommended Viewing: Ichi the Killer (2001) and Eli Eli Lema Sabachitani? (2005)

4. Song Kang-ho
Recommended Viewing: Sympathy For Mr Vengeance (2002) and Memories of Murder (2003)

5. Koji Yakusho
Recommended Viewing: Charisma (1999) and Eureka (2000)

6. Jackie Chan
Recommended Viewing: Police Story (1985) and Armour of God (1986)

7. Anthony Wong
Recommended Viewing: Ebola Syndrome (1996) and Beast Cops (1998)

8. Susumu Terajima
Recommended Viewing: Blessing Bell (2002) and Funky Forest (2005)

9. Lee Kang-sheng
Recommended Viewing: Goodbye, Dragon Inn (2003) and Help Me Eros (2007)

10. Jordan Chan
Recommended Viewing: Downtown Torpedoes (1997) and Men Suddenly In Black (2003)

Interesting!  Even I am interested by these results.  I would like to go back in time and accost my former self, drawing up this list last night, and see if two more drinks would’ve put Sam Lee on the list.  We will never know.

It’s kind of hard to explain to the public why I made this list, but let’s just say it’s mostly due to my husband’s lack of ability to focus. There are many mid-year top ten lists, created by our peers, going up today about top ten actors, top ten movies so far this year, etc. I have made a top ten list of actors I would like to have over for muffins, and the muffins I would make for them.

So I was trying to think of muffin banter or scenes involving muffins that would make a few of the actor choices obvious, but I could only come up with one:

Jason: Is your muffin buttered?
Cady: What?
Jason: Would you like us to assign someone to butter your muffin?
Cady: My what?
Regina: Is he bothering you? Why are you such a skeez? She is not interested. Do you want to have sex with him?
Cady: No, thank you.
Regina: Good, so it’s settled. You can go shave your back now.

So, Rachel McAdams is the only obvious choice. I don’t really want to have Lindsay Lohan over for muffins. She probably wouldn’t eat them anyway. And then she’d do something embarrassing and we’d be all over the tabloids, and I really don’t need that kind of negative publicity right now. On the other hand, my father is obsessed with Rachel McAdams (he owns The Notebook, forced me and my cousin to watch it, and cries every time he watches it), so he would probably have to join us for the first muffin gathering. And that could be fun. Additionally, it might be weird to have hot boys over for muffins, since I’m a married lady, so I chose all females to have as my guests.

I would invite:

Rachel McAdams (& Daddy) for Peach Crumb Muffins* with whipped cream
Tina Fey for Banana Nut Muffins* with Caramel Icing
Jennifer Connelly for Blueberry Muffins* with sanding sugar
Maggie Gyllenhaal for Lemon Poppyseed Muffins with powdered-sugar glaze
Reese Witherspoon for Bacon-Scallion-Cheddar-Jalapeno Corn Muffins* with herbed butter
Mary-Louise Parker for Cinnamon Apple Muffins* and vanilla bean ice cream
Angelina Jolie for Maple-Ginger Muffins* with orange glaze
Elizabeth Banks for Carrot Spice Muffins with schmear
Jaime Murray for English Muffins with mascarpone and apple butter, and
Christina Ricci for Dark Chocolate Muffins* with fleur de sel.

Additionally, if word got out that I was inviting over actresses to enjoy my wonderful muffins, and folks started banging down my door for an invitation, I might invite Kirsten Dunst over for muffins, then when she got here, I’d open the door, slap her, and tell her if she wants a muffin, she’ll have to go down the street to the bakery and buy one, ’cause I will never bake for her.

*Muffins served warm