Updating…

Written by Mike Lyon on March 1st, 2009

It is time for a less-shitty-looking T&G; please be patient while I fuck around.

Update: Ha ha ha! And by “fuck around”, I mean “try and create a script that tells you what movies all the header images are from when you rollover them and accidentally destroy the entire site and have to reinstall from scratch and re-edit all the new content”; incidentally, fuck that script. But bonus points if you can identify the movies anyway ^_^

PPS: Currently there are 8 header stills. Collect them all! Oh fuck yes!

Maggie Reviews: Mirrors (2008)

Written by Maggie Lyon on January 21st, 2009

Mirrors started off really creepy, but even though I had taken an ambien after several drinks when I decided to start watching the movie, it still seemed really dumb at times. I had expected improvisational drug and alcohol abuse to really help this type of flick. Oh well.

Now, I totally adore Alexandre Aja, mostly because High Tension is so scary and creepy and delicious, proving so even on second and third viewings, that it’s hard to expect anything less than that from Aja’s other directorial efforts. But even with Kiefer Sutherland’s innate creepiness (which my lovely husband decries, but I maintain that’s just because he hasn’t viddied Eye for an Eye or Freeway which galvanized the basic B-list actor in my mind, changing him from the goofy looking son of big Donald to Kreepy Kief) it just can’t maintain that big scare factor all the way through. I understand that people associate Kiefer Sutherland with 24 more than anything else these days, but I don’t watch that show, so they can believe what they want; I know the truth. What was I saying? Oh, yeah, there were too many dumb, ridiculous moments in the movie that didn’t make sense, and they didn’t even make the film as a whole scarier or creepier. For this, I blame Kreepy Kief.

But we’ll come back to that. The burning, gory pieces of people that were visible in the mirrors but “came to life” in the reflection, (so, real life) were great—pretty much all of the first half of the film was quite frightening, and the scene with Amy Smart’s mouth ripping open was delightfully gory and perfect, but the whole nun story line with the multiple personalities explanation seemed contrived and downright annoying. Just…didn’t…work.

I think this is what the problem is: you can’t put a creepy actor in a film about said actor being harassed by creepiness. You need a non-creepy actor to successfully put the main character through creepiness in any effective way. Now if Kreepy Kief had been doing the creepy stuff, I think it would have been a much better flick. It was still fun to watch though. Do better next time, Aja! I have high hopes!

★★★★★☆☆☆☆☆

 

The Top Ten Films of 2008 – Michael Polizzi

Written by Mike Lyon on January 18th, 2009

1. The Dark Knight: (Nolan)

2. Synecdoche, NY: (Kaufman) Shall I project a world? An uneven film from first time director Charlie Kaufman about creation, solipsism and empathy. Arbitrary bruises along with green poo and brown pee pee make this one of the few movies to really grab the strangeness of personal suffering. Arbitrary time signatures do the same with the loss of youth and its effect on love and obsession.

3. Mister Lonely: (Korine) I keep placing movies that premiered in 2007, but I promise I watched them in the theater in 2008. Where to start? Flying nuns doing BMX tricks or a man living as Abe LIncoln reciting the Gettysburg Address while spinning a basketball on his finger? Talking egg portraits or Buckwheat’s soliloquy about wanting a chicken with human breasts? Samantha Morton and Diego Luna both manage to deliver their lines without an ounce of agency. They talk around each other– the effect is really made my skin crawl.

4. I Served the King of England: (Jiri Menzel) Again this one came out in Czech Republic in 2007, NYC 2008. Ivan Barnev as Jan Díte made this movie. Terrific charisma and physical comedy. Worth it just to watch the Czech spa transform into a Nazi fertility clinic then into a hospital for amputees.

5. Be Kind, Rewind: (Gondry) The trailer for this had me cringing– yuck, yuck Jack Black is Robocop, yuck– but the trailer left out the strange heartfelt elegy to Paterson, NJ and Danny Glover’s franchise stalking. Mos Def and Jack Black have fantastic chemistry as life long buds. Again magnetic wee-wee= A+.

6. Water Lilies: (Seline Sciama) Technically this came out in Belgium in 2007 but I live in the US of A where girls magically move from pre-pubescent imps to ramped up sex vixens without all of the excruciating detail of having to watch themselves develop. I know, I’m a perv for even watching this movie, but cheers for having the courage and steady hand to tell the story of a girl who may or may not be a lesbian in love with synchronized swimming without leaving out all of the terrible hormones (and without Todd Solondz’s terrible dead-pan).

7. Tropic Thunder: (Stiller) “Fuck you, Hollywood,” signed Hollywood.

8. Burn After Reading: (Coens) Great assessment of the last eight years: empty, shallow, venal, cold incompetence.

9. In Bruges: (Dir. Martin McDonagh) This actually edged out the bald-headed, Daredevil era sex tape as my Colin Farrell favorite role (though he’s really good in the sex tape if you haven’t seen it– Breakfast, lunch and bloody dinner, love). Great dialogue and violence in a medieval Belgian town.

10. Iron Man: Fun.

Oh so close:
9/10ths of Milk (why do biopics piss me off so much? even ones that manage to subvert most of Hollywood’s standards and practices– everything always just seems far too convenient to the plot).
The first half of Slumdog Millionaire, even though I have the sneaking suspicion it was lifted from City of God.

Things I will rent/ see soon that will most likely make me want to redo this list:
Teeth, Chicago 10, The Visitor, My Winnipeg, Man on Wire, I Have Loved You For So Long, Cadillac Records, Frost/Nixon, Wendy and Lucy, Che, The Wrestler, Happy-Go-Lucky

Re-hashed reviewed for 2008:
1. Broadway Danny Rose: This movie caught me completely by surprise. Perhaps less universal than Manhattan and Annie Hall, but far more deft. Danny Rose’s Thanksgiving and Lou Canova’s singing face will be with me for a while.
2. The Purple Rose of Cairo: I know– where have I been? It took me this long to look at Woody Allen’s output from the 80′s. No better movie about the deranging power of the movies.
3. Lars and the Real Girl: Crushed me like a papercup. Oddly effecting story of a man/boy working through his lady issues.
4. Lifeboat: Rounding out my Hitchcock as well. The lighting for the funeral at sea and Tallulah Bankheads’ expression as she passes the camera before tearing a hole in the newspaper= A+
5. The Maltese Falcon: I shouldn’t be admitting this in public. Did anyone have any emotions left after WW II?
6. Naked: If anyone ever asks me for the filmic equivalent of “A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man” — I will probably point them towards this. All the better for David Thewlis’s life at Hogwarts.
7. The Lives of Others: Surveillance in East Germany. Point for point a near perfect film.
8. The Marriage of Maria Braun: Fassbinder stands every last Romantic cliche from WWII on its head in this film.
9. The Testament of Dr. Mabuse: Lang made perfect movies. I don’t think a single director has ever constructed a movie that could compete shot for shot with Lang’s extraordinary composition.
10. Mr. Freedom: William Klein’s over-the-top comic book style semi-futuristic amazingness.

Maggie’s Favorite 10 Horror Flicks

Written by Maggie Lyon on January 10th, 2009

Whenever someone lets me in on their love for—or honestly even mere interest in—horror, I get butterflies in my belly and immediately forget the names of all the movies I would like to encourage them to watch. So when I told my husband I wanted to do a top ten horror movie post, he freaked out all over me and said that my appreciation of the horror genre is limited by what we own and what he has exposed me to. I’m sure he’s right, but I don’t care. Maybe they are too modern or predictable, but lots of folks haven’t seen or even heard of some of these, so I think it’s still a valid list. I want to be able to easily direct people to the many horror films that I love, which provoke a visceral response from me, and which I find truly scary. So, sorry if I haven’t seen all the right films yet so that I can make an “informed” list or whatever it would be, but get over it, and if you haven’t seen these movies (which are in no certain order), you should!

High Tension
The Descent
Wolf Creek
Cube
Audition
30 Days of Night
Inside
Dead Ringers
Misery
The Ruins

The Top Ten Films of 2008 – Mike Lyon

Written by Mike Lyon on January 8th, 2009

First the films, then the yattering.

1. A Christmas Tale (Arnaud Desplechin, France)

2. Let The Right One In (Tomas Alfredson, Sweden)

3. Fine, Totally Fine (Yosuke Fujita, Japan)

4. JCVD (Mabrouk El Mechri, France)

5. Be Kind, Rewind (Michel Gondry, USA)

6. Sparrow (Johnnie To, Hong Kong)

7. The Dark Knight (Christopher Nolan, USA)

8. Wall-E (Andrew Stanton, USA)

9. Help Me Eros (Lee Kang-sheng, Taiwan)

10. Rambo (Sylvester Stallone, USA)

* * *

I’ll admit that I was wrong.

All year long, I bemoaned the lack of good films; I prattled on endlessly about how 2008 was a terrible year at the cinema. The writer’s strike seemed to have created a talentless vacuum in American cinema, and much-anticipated European and Asian offerings seemed to yield only failure after failure. I’ll admit it, though: I was watching the wrong films. As 2008 drew to a close and I felt the weight of so many distasteful movies pressing down on me, I finally got my shit together and started piling on the screenings, catching up on the pictures I had missed, some purposefully avoided, some that never made it to theaters in The Great White North.

Certainly there are still films to be seen. And there is no denying that even my top film picks seem a little more… eccentric than usual. I’m surprised by a few choices, especially the inclusion of The Dark Knight, not only because it seems in some ways hard to admit that a film that has already become such a part of the zeitgeist can actually be critically relevant, but particularly because I had considered Batman Begins to be such a failure. To boot, my inclusion of JCVD represents a vote of confidence for Jean-Claude Van Damme who, improbably enough, delivers the performance of the year, Mickey Rourke be damned.

But the most obvious surprise lurks at the very terminus of my list, if you had any trouble spotting it. Rambo is significantly more than the punchline I had envisioned it to be; more a horror film than an action film, Sly channeling Eastwood behind the camera while his granite-faced alter-ego sends a similarly terse nod to the audience. That John Rambo’s facial expressions seem at times to be a direct homage to UHF further confirms my suspicion that Stallone has not only accepted his detractors, he has begun to purposefully channel them in an attempt bring the writer of Rocky back from the dead without pretending to erase the star of Over The Top.

Should I only explain what I perceive to be my Achilles’ heels and ignore the top of the list? How transparent! Upwards!: A Christmas Tale handily took the lead. What at first appeared to be a hasty retread of both The Royal Tenenbaums and Fanny & Alexender ultimately ended up being one of the most powerful meditations on family dynamics since Tokyo Story. Print that! A swirling miasma of emotion with the potent, sexual stillness of Catherine Deneuve at its center, it struck chords in me I was not entirely aware were capable of being played.

Let The Right One In was my top choice for months, and not lightly. I am willing to prematurely declare it the greatest horror film of the oughts, an innocent-seeming twist on the vampire myth that disguises an exploration into a child’s complicity in murder and pedophilia. If that doesn’t pique your interest in this astonishing film, then all is lost. I pray that the architects of the impending American remake are suffocated alive in a vat of wolf semen. Amen.

I should note that, as always, I refuse (don’t I sound self-important?) to consider films originally released in their country of origin in a different year. There’s no shame in retroactively adding an old film to an old year’s list! This almost certainly showcases my OCD to an excessive degree, but hey – the consistency of my ridiculousness is part of my allure! This seems like an opportune time to mention that I definitely consider Help Me Eros to be a 2008 film, IMDb intel notwithstanding; a wide release in the director’s homeland is The Release, not a festival date. The essence of what I’m trying to say here today is, y’know, fuck you, IMDb.

I should mention that a wide variety of my friends, all significantly better-informed than me, have also presented their lists to the world (and in a more timely fashion, to boot). I urge you to visit them and read all about the films I can only hope to view in the months to follow!:

Andrea Janes
Michael J. Anderson
Lisa K. Broad
Pamela Kerpius
R. Emmet Sweeney
Karen Wang
Matt Singer
Alberto Zambenedetti

Peace be with you, but fuck that kid over there.

The Rating System

Written by Maggie & Mike on September 10th, 2008

Our ratings may seem to follow a relatively uniform pattern, but it’s because we have very specific evaluation criteria! Here are the details of the rating system that we use, for handy future reference!

1 StarUnwatchable in all respects, lacking even unintentional comedy.

2 StarsAwful, but you could watch it once.

3 StarsMediocre, but has its moments.  Probably the lower limit for reevaluation.

4 StarsFatally Flawed; an otherwise average film with flaws that can’t be overlooked.

5 StarsAverage in every way. Films that provoke ambivalence.

6 StarsMemorable, has moments of excellence that outshine weaknesses.

7 StarsRecommended! This film excels in some respect & has good replayability.

8 StarsHighly Recommended! Well-executed & thought-provoking, an important film.

9 StarsClassic (or Likely Future Classic), nigh-faultless & could potentially be considered…

10 StarsPerfectThe best of the best!

Mike’s Ten Favorite Living, Working Asian Actors – A Dubious Midyear List

Written by Mike Lyon on July 22nd, 2008

The siren song of my film-blogging peeps has sucked me once again into listville, and this time the subject is being left to the discretion of the individual. Some folks are doing their favorite movie theaters (I don’t have 10 of those), some are doing their favorite movies of the year thus far (I don’t even have 2 of those), and the other topic du jour is favorite actors and actresses.

That’s a topic I can get behind, but the scope is so monumental! An all-time favorite top ten actors or actresses list would take me forever, and I wouldn’t even know where to begin… I kept on making lists of actors and actresses of various nationalities, eventually deciding this was too OCD to pass muster as I had to make different versions depending on whether I was allowing living or dead people to factor in. Then I tried to go super-narrow with Living Japanese Actresses, but that was also specious, since people like Meiko Kaji ranked high, even though she hasn’t made a film of any sort since 1988, and the last time she made a good film was 1974.

Thus, the intense specificity of my list. Actors only, first of all. Yes, there are ten excellent living performers from any given Asian nation, but I wanted to cast my net a little wider and highlight my favorites… Onward!

 


1. Tony Leung
Recommended Viewing: Happy Together (1997) and In The Mood For Love (2000)

 

 

 

 

2. Takeshi Kitano
Recommended Viewing: Sonatine (1993) and Kikujiro (1999)

 

 

 

 

3. Tadanobu Asano
Recommended Viewing: Ichi the Killer (2001) and Eli Eli Lema Sabachitani? (2005)

 

 

 

 

4. Song Kang-ho
Recommended Viewing: Sympathy For Mr Vengeance (2002) and Memories of Murder (2003)

 

 

 

 

5. Koji Yakusho
Recommended Viewing: Charisma (1999) and Eureka (2000)

 

 

 

 

 

6. Jackie Chan
Recommended Viewing: Police Story (1985) and Armour of God (1986)

 

 

 

 

 

7. Anthony Wong
Recommended Viewing: Ebola Syndrome (1996) and Beast Cops (1998)

 

 

 

 

 

8. Susumu Terajima
Recommended Viewing: Blessing Bell (2002) and Funky Forest (2005)

 

 

 

 

9. Lee Kang-sheng
Recommended Viewing: Goodbye, Dragon Inn (2003) and Help Me Eros (2008)

 

 

 

10. Jordan Chan
Recommended Viewing: Downtown Torpedoes (1997) and Men Suddenly In Black (2003)

 

 

Interesting!  Even I am interested by these results.  I would like to go back in time and accost my former self, drawing up this list last night, and see if two more drinks would’ve put Sam Lee on the list.  We will never know.

Actresses like muffins, right?

Written by Maggie Lyon on July 22nd, 2008

It’s kind of hard to explain to the public why I made this list, but let’s just say it’s mostly due to my husband’s lack of ability to focus. There are many mid-year top ten lists, created by our peers, going up today about top ten actors, top ten movies so far this year, etc. I have made a top ten list of actors I would like to have over for muffins, and the muffins I would make for them.

So I was trying to think of muffin banter or scenes involving muffins that would make a few of the actor choices obvious, but I could only come up with one:

Jason: Is your muffin buttered?
Cady: What?
Jason: Would you like us to assign someone to butter your muffin?
Cady: My what?
Regina: Is he bothering you? Why are you such a skeez? She is not interested. Do you want to have sex with him?
Cady: No, thank you.
Regina: Good, so it’s settled. You can go shave your back now.

So, Rachel McAdams is the only obvious choice. I don’t really want to have Lindsay Lohan over for muffins. She probably wouldn’t eat them anyway. And then she’d do something embarrassing and we’d be all over the tabloids, and I really don’t need that kind of negative publicity right now. On the other hand, my father is obsessed with Rachel McAdams (he owns The Notebook, forced me and my cousin to watch it, and cries every time he watches it), so he would probably have to join us for the first muffin gathering. And that could be fun. Additionally, it might be weird to have hot boys over for muffins, since I’m a married lady, so I chose all females to have as my guests.

I would invite:

Rachel McAdams (& Daddy) for Peach Crumb Muffins* with whipped cream
Tina Fey for Banana Nut Muffins* with Caramel Icing
Jennifer Connelly for Blueberry Muffins* with sanding sugar
Maggie Gyllenhaal for Lemon Poppyseed Muffins with powdered-sugar glaze
Reese Witherspoon for Bacon-Scallion-Cheddar-Jalapeno Corn Muffins* with herbed butter
Mary-Louise Parker for Cinnamon Apple Muffins* and vanilla bean ice cream
Angelina Jolie for Maple-Ginger Muffins* with orange glaze
Elizabeth Banks for Carrot Spice Muffins with schmear
Jaime Murray for English Muffins with mascarpone and apple butter, and
Christina Ricci for Dark Chocolate Muffins* with fleur de sel.

Additionally, if word got out that I was inviting over actresses to enjoy my wonderful muffins, and folks started banging down my door for an invitation, I might invite Kirsten Dunst over for muffins, then when she got here, I’d open the door, slap her, and tell her if she wants a muffin, she’ll have to go down the street to the bakery and buy one, ’cause I will never bake for her.

*Muffins served warm

Mike Reviews: Coming Home (1978)

Written by Mike Lyon on May 4th, 2008

If ’78 is often considered the Year of the Vietnam War Movie because of the box-office and awards-season battle between Coming Home and The Deer Hunter, it’s informative that there is comparatively little critical work involving Coming Home, whereas The Deer Hunter has graduated to the pantheon of the classics. And I am not the guy who is going to tell you that they are in the same league. But where The Deer Hunter excels by virtue of its epic storytelling, Coming Home takes a more intimate path, and it’s an ultimately rewarding journey.

Of course, Coming Home is a very different examination of Vietnam compared to The Deer Hunter. It’s less a war movie than a post-mortem of a war movie, examining the casualties of war without ever putting the viewer in country. Surprisingly, it’s a film about relationships, and the ability (or inability) of veterans and their loved ones to communicate in the wake of the war. There’s an interesting, magnetic polarity at work; as Sally finds herself jaded by successive degrees as she comes to terms with the reality of the war, Luke is lifted out of the morass of post-war apathy and depression by Sally. Indeed, the film is most effective when it follows their uneasy intimacy to unexpected places. When Luke and Sally consummate their love, we are talked through the involved minutiae of have sex with a paraplegic man, which for me was the unquestioned emotional apex of the film. If anything, the difficulties begin here, since this moment of catharsis is only at the movie’s halfway point.

Where the film falters is in its extreme inconsistency of tone. There are quite a few moments of comic relief, but where one may succeed in easing the audience’s tension, the next may be simply jarring. The speed with which Sally seems to abandon her fervent love for Bob is also a bit difficult to swallow, the obvious physical attraction of Jon Voight over Bruce Dern notwithstanding. Why does she so spontaneously take up with an abusive disabled man immediately in the absence of her naive but much-loved husband? That Sally shows charity to a stranger from high school and not her husband despite the fact that both have been seriously wounded in battle (even if one is a physical disability and the other mental) seriously undermines the film’s message about America’s social responsibility for our veterans.

Still, Coming Home is amazingly complex in its portrayal of the variety of veteran experiences, and the three capital-letter Powerhouse Performances from Voight, Dern and Jane Fonda are unforgettable. The soundtrack is stunning, not simply because of its scope (Dylan, The Stones, The Beatles, Hendrix, Simon & Garfunkel) but because of the filmmakers’ ingenious use of these songs to heighten emotions and accent moments while shifting in and out of background and diagesis. There is a whole paper just waiting to be written about the use of music in this film! But I digress; my review grows long!

Though comparisons are inevitable, I left Coming Home with a hesitancy to hold it to the same standards as The Deer Hunter. Both are invaluable documents of wartime experience, and both feel uncomfortably urgent as the Iraq War extends off into infinity. Coming Home may have structural problems and a messy emotional arc, but it manages to stay on the rails and deliver an eloquent examination of the personal costs of war.

★★★★★★★☆☆☆

 

Maggie Reviews: The Ruins (2008)

Written by Maggie Lyon on April 24th, 2008

Honestly, I didn’t expect much from The Ruins. I didn’t expect to be scared or even freaked out. But there was something about this flick. Maybe it’s that the characters don’t really make any mistakes. Usually, in what Mike has coined “The Don’t Go On Vacation” flick, you have stupid Americans who ultimately possess no redeeming characteristics, and yeah, they get slaughtered, but it’s all in fun and you don’t really feel that bad for them. But this is amazingly different since these kids seem a lot like me on vacation. Maybe they’re a little impetuous, but really, I wouldn’t turn down the opportunity that they have. And sure, you’re a shitty American if you can’t habla a little Espanol on vacay to Spanish-speaking countries, but no one expects you to know Mayan.

It’s really like there are four tragic heroes. Each of the four main characters has some obvious tragic flaw, but they also each act fairly intelligently, at least for a horror flick. And the horror was Japanese-style creepy. The whole the-monster-is-inside you, near zombification of the characters, is perhaps the freakiest type of horror, and The Ruins pulls it off quite horrifically!

★★★★★★★★☆☆